Waves of Change-ForeverRobsessed
by The Pick-A-Prompt Contest
Summary: Sometimes, it's easy to leave a part of yourself behind to chase your dreams. What takes immeasurable courage is coming back home to face the reality of what you've lost. In the waves of change, we find our true direction.


**2018 TFN Pick-A-Prompt CONTEST**

 **Title:** Waves of Change

 **Summary:** Sometimes, it's easy to leave a part of yourself behind to chase your dreams. What takes immeasurable courage is coming back home to face the reality of what you've lost. In the waves of change, we find our true direction.

 **Pairing:** Bella/Edward

 **Rating:** M

 **Word Count:** 11,025

 **Disclaimer:** Twilight and its inclusive material is copyright to Stephenie Meyer. Original creation, including but not limited to plot and characters, is copyright to the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

 **Prompt Quote:** _Loneliness is . . . not having someone to pick you up at the airport._

~ / ~ / ~

" _It's a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realize what's changed is you." - F. Scott Fitzgerald_

~ / ~ / ~

I rubbed a hand over my face, wiping the moisture from my bleary eyes as I waited for my bags. The air around me buzzed with energy, but I couldn't absorb an ounce of it. My legs felt rubbery and uncooperative after the flight, my shoulders hunched underneath my coat. I lifted my hand to my mouth to cover the huge yawn I had no energy to suppress.

The luggage was still nowhere in sight, so I decided to step away and grab myself some coffee. By the time I returned, a couple of employees from the airline were flitting about the area. I sighed, praying that there wouldn't have been any issue with the bags.

After waiting for several interminable minutes, the belt finally began to move as pieces of luggage began to appear from behind the screen. The noises around me grew louder, an undercurrent of excitement running through the crowd as the end of the journey we'd undertaken was finally within reach. Children bounced on their feet, and parents struggled to hold them back while maneuvering their suitcases onto the trolleys. I made quick work of loading my two bags before turning toward the gate.

The glass doors slid open, and I drew in a deep breath. The damp air of Port Angeles felt strangely comforting as I took my first step out of the airport.

My eyes scanned the area. The past ten years of my life had been filled with countless airports, so the sight of familial reunions was something I'd seen and walked past without second thought. Gently nudging and maneuvering my way through enthusiastic hugs had become second nature to me.

But today, for the first time in a decade, the sight made my fingers curl into a fist and my breath hitch in my throat, because I was forced to face the reality of what I'd lost. Never before had I walked out of this airport without looking forward to a quiet, yet emotional reunion with my father. Now, his subdued yet earnest smile when he first spotted me was something I'd only experience through my memories.

There was love and contentment in the air all around, but none of it was for me. Not a single familiar face greeted me from the crowd. I gritted my teeth and gripped my bags tighter as the world seemed to close around me. I stopped short, my feet freezing in place while my eyes stung with something other than the exhaustion I'd dealt with for the past two days.

My sudden lack of movement was probably why he stumbled right into me.

At the moment, I didn't realize what'd happened, other than the fact that the ground seemed to be moving toward me with alarming speed. I couldn't even scream, just a strangled squeak leaving my mouth as the world tilted around me.

A pair of arms wrapped around my waist, pushing all the breath out of my lungs in a whoosh. Before I could make sense of anything, those arms tightened their hold and set me back on my feet.

"Hey," a voice murmured right next to my ear. "Are you okay?"

My arms splayed out while I tried to regain my balance.

"Yeah, I—" I gasped, breaking off when I whirled around to find a pair of moss-green eyes trained intently on mine. A ray of sunshine broke through the blanket of clouds in the sky, hitting his face at an angle that made those eyes seem almost luminescent. For some reason, the sight took my mind back to the meadow I'd visited in Italy a couple of years ago. His eyes held the same shine that I'd admired on the fresh dewy grass. I could almost feel its springy moisture under my feet.

For those few seconds, our faces were mere inches apart. His warm breath brushed my lips, making me tremble.

"Ma'am, are you alright?" he prompted again and took a step back.

I swallowed thickly before shaking my head. "I'm okay. Thank you for catching me."

"It was my fault for plowing right into you. I'm really sorry." His hands dropped from my waist, his lips curling up in a soft smile.

"No, that's . . . it's fine."

"Edward!" A feminine voice trilled from the distance, catching our attention. I looked at the small group of people waving and cheering from behind the rail. When I turned back to the stranger before me, he was grinning at them. He held up a hand to indicate that he'd join them in a moment.

He turned his attention back to me and shrugged, raking a hand through his bronze hair almost sheepishly. "Family. I knew they must've been driving themselves crazy, what with all those delays. That's why I was in a rush."

My eyes flickered back to the people eagerly awaiting his arrival. My chest tightened, but I turned to him with a smile.

"You're lucky to have them."

The look he gave me this time seemed to brim with curiosity, and I realized my voice hadn't been as light as I'd hoped.

"Good luck," I added with a nod. Before he could say anything else, I stepped around him and walked in the direction opposite to where his family stood. I scanned the counters for the one I needed, trying to keep my eyes steadfast on the task.

But they betrayed me.

I turned around and found them immediately, the reddish glint in the stranger's hair standing out in the crowd. I watched him lean down to hug a petite, dark haired woman, while an older couple looked on patiently. She jumped into his arms, making them all laugh. From the distance, I could only see their smiles. A part of me yearned to listen to the sounds of their happiness. I had to force myself to look away before the tears welling up in my eyes could make their way down my cheeks.

The process of renting a car distracted me long enough to bring my emotions under check. Once inside, I adjusted the seat as per my requirement and fiddled with the radio until I found something upbeat. I slipped on my sunglasses, nodding my head in time with the rhythm. It took a few minutes to manage to convince myself that I was fine, and then I was on my way to Forks.

A couple of hours later, I pushed my old, slightly bent key into the lock, wiggling it reflexively at just the right angle until there was a click. I steeled myself and slowly nudged the door open. A deep sigh left my lips as I stepped into the darkness of my childhood home.

I reached out blindly until my hand encountered the switch. My eyes squeezed shut as the light came on. I forced them open slowly, blinking a couple of times until my vision cleared. My gaze roamed across the living room, taking in the worn-out recliner that'd been my dad's favorite spot in the world, the oakwood center table which probably still wore stains from the lack of use of coasters, and the faded tan rug that still possessed scars from my first adventures with a real pair of scissors. I kneeled down, ghosting my fingers across the frayed threads where I'd created my piece of art. I'd only been five at the time and had gotten hold of the forbidden, sharp instrument from the kitchen. Fortunately, Dad had found me before I could do any harm to myself. Despite the decades that'd passed since then, I could still remember the exact expression of horror on his face when he'd seen me holding the scissors. He'd rushed across the room to pluck them out of my hands and tugged me up into a hug, murmuring, "You're okay," over and over. At the time, I'd stood there with my arms by my side, surprised at his reaction. When the confusion wore off, it'd given way to fear for the repercussions of my action.

Now, I would give anything to be able to go back to that moment and hug him just as tightly, to hear his voice, filled with concern for me, just one more time.

The tears I'd worked so hard to hold at bay so far poured down my cheeks unchecked now, and I let them. I curled up right there on the floor, my hand still clutching the dusty rug, and sobbed until my chest hurt, mourning all the precious time I'd lost.

It took a while, but eventually, my tears did run out. My nose was stuffed, my head ached, and my throat was parched . . . yet, I felt lighter than I had in the past few weeks. As I pushed myself up from the floor, raking my eyes across the only home I'd ever known, I felt . . . grounded. And for the first time in years, I welcomed the feeling.

I spent the rest of the evening making my way through each room of the house and listing down the things I needed to do. The last time I'd been here had been right after Dad's funeral, and I'd been in no shape to take care of anything back then. I'd completed the necessary formalities before hightailing out of this tiny town that'd always suffocated me.

Little did I know that suffocation would become my constant companion from there on, no matter what part of the world I chose to escape to.

It was ironic how my search for peace had led me right back to where I'd started.

As I stood here, breathing in the musty air of the house that'd once held my roots, I felt connected to my dad in a way I'd yearned for every single moment since he'd left the world. Packing up his things and sorting through everything here was a daunting task. But it didn't scare me. It'd been a long time since I'd felt that energy deep within my body that buzzed only when I'd found a purpose. It pulsed through my veins now at the idea of setting my father's home right, of putting my affairs in order before I could figure out the next path life had in store for me.

My childhood bedroom was the only one I managed to clean other than the living room, so that was where I plopped head-first onto the mattress just after midnight. I pulled the blanket over my body and was out like a light within minutes.

The next morning, I stuffed my mouth with a granola bar I'd bought at the airport in lieu of breakfast and got back to work, rifling through the papers in Dad's office this time. It lasted me for an hour or so, but then I had to sit down because my head was spinning while my empty stomach ached with hunger. It was only then that I realized I'd been too tired to care about eating last night.

I sighed and headed into the living room, deciding to make a quick trip for groceries. I needed something instant—maybe chips—to satisfy my ravenous system for now, but the idea of a full-fledged, home-cooked meal was too appealing to ignore. I figured I could peruse the aisles for some fixings I could use to treat myself.

Unlike everything else in Forks, the grocery store had transformed a fair bit in the past decade. The small, family business of my memories had been replaced by a well-organized establishment that could compete with any large chain—which must've been the reason behind the changes in the first place.

I grabbed a cart and started adding the things that sparked my interest as I systematically made my way through the aisles. I was reaching out to grab a jar of marinara sauce when a familiar voice made me stop in my tracks.

"Well, if this doesn't prove that Forks is the smallest goddamn town on the earth, I don't know what will."

My breath caught, but I turned around slowly. My fingers gripped the handle of the cart tightly as his smiling face came into view.

"Hey there." His voice was calm and light as he greeted me.

"Hi," I replied a little too awkwardly for my liking. "We met in Port Angeles, though, not in Forks."

"Well, that's true, but obviously, we were both heading here. Two days in, and here we are again." He shrugged, and I cracked a smile.

"Alright. Fair enough."

"You have me at a disadvantage here. My sister's squealing yesterday took care of telling you my name, but I still don't know yours. Airport Girl is well and good for a while, but it's starting to lose its appeal."

I snorted. "I don't think it _ever_ had any appeal."

"Why don't you put me out of my misery then?" He held out a hand and flashed me an impish grin. "Edward Cullen. And you are . . ."

"Isabella Swan. Bella," I added a second later.

His brow furrowed while he squeezed my palm. "Swan? Chief Swan's daughter?"

"That's right." My cheeks twitched with the effort of holding my smile in place.

"Ah, I was wondering why you looked so familiar. I've watched you on TV several times, but it has been a while." Edward's grip on my hand tightened before he laid his other one over mine. The green of his eyes seemed to darken slightly, his lips twisting into a frown. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I'd met your dad a few times. He was a wonderful man and a dedicated officer. My parents had been good friends with the Chief for a long time."

"Thank you," I answered automatically, gently extricating myself from his grasp. "It was . . . He didn't suffer."

"I'm sorry I couldn't make it to the funeral."

I shook my head. "That's alright. I wasn't in any state of mind to register much at the time. Everything had seemed so bizarre. I was having a hard time accepting what'd happened."

"That's understandable," he murmured kindly. He looked at me with unmistakable pity etched in his features. There was a time when that would've raised my hackles, but today, it felt oddly comforting. He was probably the first person who'd shown me such concern in the past six months. I mustered a smile as I soaked up the feeling.

Another customer arrived in the aisle, and we moved to get out of her way. Edward pushed his cart next to mine, so we chatted a bit as we trudged along. Apparently, he already knew of my profession through my dad, so he wondered what I was doing here now.

"I'm here to sort out things at the house. I went through the bare minimum of formalities when I was here for the funeral. The past six months . . . I thought I couldn't face the idea of coming back to the place where Dad should be, but he's . . . not. I couldn't avoid things forever, though, and I hate the idea of our home being in shambles."

"Do you know what you're going to do with it?"

I pursed my lips and blew out a breath. "Not really. Maybe I could rent it to a family? I know Dad would've liked that. But that's too far into the future. It's a complete mess right now, so I've got to take care of that before I can think about the future."

Edward eyed me speculatively for a moment. "Would you . . . I hope I'm not overstepping, Bella, but if you need some help with that, you can let me know."

I couldn't help but blink at him, taken aback by his words. "I'm sorry?"

"Please don't take this the wrong way, but you look . . . you look tired," he said through a wince. "I know this must not be easy on you, and I hate the idea of you being alone in the house while you get all the work done. I don't want to step on your toes. If it's something you'd rather do on your own, I can understand that. I'm just saying that if you need a little company, I'd love to help out in whatever way I can."

I took in his earnest face, listened to the sincerity in his voice as he offered to hold my hand—figuratively—through my ordeal, and found my mouth forming the words before I'd truly thought them through. "Are you sure you don't mind?"

His smile brightened. "Of course not. I'm here on vacation, and you know Forks isn't exactly known for its interesting pastimes. I'd be happy to spend some time at your disposal, Miss Swan." He held out his arms and bowed gallantly, making me laugh.

"Okay, then I gratefully accept your offer," I mimicked his tone. "I'm warning you, though—when I say it's a mess, I'm not exaggerating. I never would've thought my father could've been a hoarder, but I'm seriously reconsidering that idea since I stepped into the house yesterday."

He shook his head. "Ah, Bella. I love a challenge. You're not scaring me off that easy."

We parted ways to finish the rest of our shopping, and Edward promised to meet me at my place in a couple of hours.

I walked out of the store in a daze, running through the surreal events of the past hour in my mind over and over. I'd known, of course, that my father had been a well-known and respected man in the town. Yet, it'd never occurred to me to speak to someone about him or to consider that if I reached out, there would be people willing to help me with what I needed to do.

It was a sorry testament to how accustomed I'd become to my loneliness. My life had been entirely my own choice, but it was still startling to realize how cut-off I'd been from . . . people. For the past decade, my producer, my editor, and a few of the regular crew members on the show were the only people who could claim to know me fairly well. But those relationships had been founded on professional respect and common courtesy rather than genuine friendship.

I sighed when I reached home and shook off those thoughts. I walked in with my bags, distracting myself by arranging the items I'd brought in the cabinets. My mind ran through the possible dishes I could cook, especially now that Edward would be here to share it with me. The least I could do in return for his generous help was make him a hearty meal. I nodded to myself, decided on my course. I rooted through the shelves until I found a chopping board and got started on the prep.

The sound of a car horn made me look at my watch. My eyes went wide as I realized I'd been home for over an hour. I peeked through the window to find a silver Volvo in my driveway. Edward stepped out of the car, but what truly shocked me was the two other people who'd accompanied him.

I recognized the petite woman from the airport, but the huge, muscular guy with them was someone I'd never seen in my life. I wiped my hands on a dishtowel and pulled in a deep breath before I walked toward the door to greet them.

Edward smiled, waving when he spotted me. "Hey. I hope you don't mind that I brought some reinforcements."

"Of course not. Thank you so much for doing this. I can't tell you what it means to me."

"We're happy to help," the woman told me with a smile, and the stranger next to her nodded in agreement.

Some of then tension left my body when Edward came over to stand next to me.

"Bella, allow me to introduce you to my sister, Alice Whitlock. And this big lug is my brother, Emmett."

I shook hands with both of them, and Alice held on to my palm for a long minute. "It's an honor to meet you, Miss Swan. I've been a _huge_ fan of you for years!"

I smiled at her, my cheeks blazing with color. "Thanks, Alice. But please call me Bella."

"Bella," she repeated happily and continued to chatter away while I invited them in. "I've followed your work since I was in college. I never missed an episode of your show. It was so amazing to see you having the time of your life in all the different places around the world! Your narration of the trips was always the best part, though. You always added so much emotion to the experience that anyone who watched the show could feel as though they were seeing it through your eyes."

"It makes me incredibly happy to hear you say that. I've been so lucky to have the opportunity to do everything I ever wanted."

"Oh, and your books," she enthused. "They have a place of pride on my shelf. I've always been interested in travel books, but no one captures the essence of the places like you do."

Edward reached out to muss her hair before pulling her to his side, while Emmett shook his head indulgently. "Alright, little one. Don't you go around making Bella uncomfortable. Save some gushing for later, okay?" He turned to me and winked. "Don't mind her. She's just prattling because she has spent several years of her life crushing on you."

I chuckled. "I'm truly honored. Maybe I could sign those books for you, if you'd like?"

Alice's grey eyes grew wide. "That'd be amazing! Oh, Bella, you're so sweet. But . . . wait! Damn it, the books are at our apartment in Seattle! I didn't bring them here."

"That's okay," I assured her. "We'll work something out. I promise I'll make it happen."

Emmett clapped his hands together. "That's settled, then. You made her day, Bella. Now put us to work. I'm ready to get some exercise in." He patted his stomach with a grin. "Mom has been spoiling us since we got here. It'll be a wonder if I don't gain ten pounds on this trip."

I laughed and then led them upstairs. We spent a little time discussing what needed to be done. Last night, I'd made mental note of the things that I had no need of and planned to donate them. There were also mountains of papers to go through to filter out the useless ones that could be discarded. Edward and Emmett decided to get started on that. They also offered to take a look at the furniture to see what could be preserved and what was too old or damaged to fix.

Meanwhile I requested Alice's assistance in the kitchen. Since I'd been planning to live here for a few weeks at least, restoring the kitchen to a usable state was on the top of my agenda. She was agreeable and picked out her corner to tackle. I settled myself with a pair of gloves and a rag on the other end.

We worked together in companionable silence for a while, but I could sense the energy that seemed to brim in Alice's personality. Even when she was quiet, she exuded it into the air around her. I found myself wanting to share her liveliness and get to know her better. So I asked the questions that came to my mind. As I'd expected, she was very willing to keep the conversation going. Her easy friendship felt freeing, like a breath of fresh air. I soaked it up happily.

"I'm not overstating when I say that you inspired me, Bella. You truly did. I'd always wanted to follow my dad's footsteps and join the medical profession, but watching your show and reading your books made me crave for some adventure. Once I was set on nursing, I seriously considered applying for a position with _Doctors Without Borders_."

"That's amazing, Alice. You didn't go, though?"

She shook her head with a smile. "I found out I was expecting my first child the day I was going to submit my application. My husband, Jasper . . . he's always been supportive of my dreams. But once there was a baby in the picture, I couldn't even think about going through with it."

I didn't quite know what to say to that, but she didn't wait for a response. She pulled out her phone and fiddled with it for a moment before holding it out to me.

"Here he is," she announced like a proud momma. "Daniel Jasper Whitlock."

The picture was that of a blond, grey-eyed child, grinning at the camera while running a hand through his riotous, curly hair. His cheeks were tinged pink, and his eyes shone with mischief. His beaming smile automatically brought one to my face.

"He's so adorable."

"Yeah, when he's not making a ruckus," Alice replied with a giggle. "He usually comes here with me, but his best friend has a birthday party coming up this weekend, so he stayed home with Jasper." She paused for a moment. "My life took a path I'd never expected since the moment I realized I was pregnant, but this little guy . . . he makes it impossible to have any regrets." She reached out to squeeze my arm. "I've had a beautiful life with my boys, but whenever I felt that twinge of craving more, I always had your shows and your books to carry me through it. I don't want to make you uncomfortable by keeping on talking about this, but I want you to know how much your show has meant to me."

I placed my hand over hers. "Then I feel like I've served my purpose. I've been battling a lot of regrets since I lost Dad, wondering if the path I chose was the right one. Thanks for sharing your story with me. It helps a lot to know that I was able to do some good."

She squeezed my hand again before turning back to the cabinet. No more words were said as we continued our work.

They simply weren't needed.

Emmett and Edward checked in occasionally to seek my opinion on things. It was crazy how I hadn't even known these people a few hours ago, yet here they were, keeping me from being alone in completing one of the direst tasks of my life. I smiled at the realization that maybe sometimes, the most difficult part of getting help was overcoming your own reticence to ask for it.

Once the kitchen was clean, I figured I could get started on my cooking. I gleaned from Alice that everyone in their family was helpless when it came to sweets, so I decided to make a dessert I'd learnt during one of my trips. Despite my protests, Alice insisted on helping me prepare the food. She set the pasta to boil, and I showed her the vegetables I'd chopped before they'd arrived. We worked side by side until the pasta was ready to sizzle in the sauce. Then I grabbed the packet of semolina and started preparing the dessert, while Alice watched curiously.

"Holy shit, something smells amazing!" Emmett bellowed as they walked down the stairs.

"Bella made something really interesting for dessert," Alice chirped, and I watched their eyes go wide in anticipation.

I let out a giggle. "Well, yeah, but let's have the pasta first. Dessert later."

The boys set the table, and Edward held out a chair for me. He settled in next to me, our hands brushing lightly when he pulled himself closer to the table. Our eyes met and held for a moment before we looked away, suppressing smiles.

The food was quickly passed around. I didn't even realize I was holding my breath as the three of them had their first bites. Their moans of pleasure gave me immense relief, but what set my heart soaring was the look in Edward's eyes and the rough tenor of his voice as he told me how much he loved it. I had to force myself to look away lest I be caught staring at the sharp angle of his jaw as he ate.

The conversation flowed freely around the table throughout the meal. They told me a bit about their parents and how they'd all come to know my dad. They each had fond remembrances of the time they'd spent with him, mostly during the holidays when Charlie hadn't been able to make it to wherever I'd been at the time. I found myself even more in their debt as I realized how their family had made him feel welcome at their home. I tried to recall if I'd met the Cullens at the funeral. I was sure at least their parents, Carlisle and Esme would've attended the service, but that entire period was such a blur in my memory that I couldn't be sure. Meeting them and thanking them for all they'd done would need to be at the top of my agenda during my stay here. I made a mental note to arrange it soon.

The three siblings followed my movements intently as I brought out and served the dessert. This time, I didn't even attempt to keep my gaze away from Edward. He didn't say anything, simply closing his eyes and sighing happily once he'd swallowed his first bite. I bit my lip and managed to suppress my grin, but I could feel the warmth in my cheeks, giving away my feelings.

"What _is_ this delicious thing?" Emmett's voice pulled me back from my daze.

I shifted to face him fully and smiled as he gobbled a huge spoonful. "It's called _halwa_. Quick and easy comfort food. I learned it while travelling for the show."

"Comfort is right," Edward chimed in. "It makes me want to devour the whole bowl and just lounge in bed all day afterward."

"I'm glad you all like it."

"Like it? You're going to need to share the recipe with me, lady. I'm not leaving without it." Alice waved her spoon at me, so I laughed and nodded.

The guys took me upstairs to show me what they'd done. I thanked them profusely once again and assured them that I could tackle the rest on my own. I didn't want to encroach upon their time with their family any more than I already had. I hugged Emmett and Alice goodbye, exchanging phone numbers and the recipe I'd promised before they made their way toward their car.

Edward lingered on the porch, so I turned to face him. I looked up into his eyes, struggling to find the words that could convey my gratitude for what he'd done.

"I can't tell you . . . You made this day . . . Having you all here made everything a hundred times easier for me. I can't thank you enough," I whispered.

One side of his mouth curled up as he cocked his head to one side. "You've said enough thanks, Bella. It was great spending the day with you. I know Alice had the time of her life, and Emmett . . . well, your mouth-watering _halwa_ was more than enough to make his day," he told me just as quietly, stepping closer.

I looked down at my feet, smiling shyly while my insides seemed to somersault at his proximity.

"I, uh . . ." He cleared his throat once, twice, spiking my curiosity. I glanced up at him slowly, almost hesitantly. His eyes flickered between mine, slipping down to my lips for just a second before they pinned me in their stare.

"I don't know if this is the most appropriate time to say this, but I'm going to do it anyway." He paused and his eyes held mine, almost as if they were looking for something. Uncertain of what it was, I nodded once. "When you told me your house was a mess, I figured bringing Alice and Em with me was a good idea because we'd be able to help you out more than if it were just me. But then . . ."

My mouth felt parched as he trailed off, and I licked my lips reflexively. "Then?"

"But then I realized what a stupid idea it'd been when the entire day went by and I couldn't spend nearly enough time with you . . . just you."

I swallowed, my hands curling into fists by my sides. "So what do you propose we do about that?" I asked him in a gravelly voice I barely recognized as my own.

"Dinner tomorrow? Just you and me."

My eyes never left his while I tried to nod calmly, despite the way my heart thudded and leapt into my throat.

"I'd like that."

He called me the next morning to confirm that he'd pick me up at seven. Even if I did squeal and skip across the room like a giddy teenager, I contended myself with the fact that there was no one around to witness my little outburst.

I spent the day going over my list, crossing off a few tasks, but nothing could hold my concentration for long. I found myself fretting over what to wear. My wardrobe was bound to leave a lot to be desired, given that a date had been the last thing on my mind when I'd returned to the US. I rolled my eyes at my own self when I realized Edward had already seen me at my sweaty worst yesterday.

But that didn't change the fact that I did want to put an effort into how I appeared before him this evening.

Dates had been far and few for me in the past several years, given that I never lasted long enough in a certain place to give the guy a chance for something more.

Tonight was going to be . . . different.

It wasn't just the changes in my own life that made it so, but Edward, too. I'd never met someone like him—someone who'd be willing to spend an entire day helping a woman he had only ever spoken to twice. Just the memory of those forest green eyes burning into mine was enough to send a shiver down my spine. The prospect of getting to know him a little better and being on the receiving end of one of his crooked smiles left me drowning in excitement.

I settled upon my favorite pair of dark wash jeans, pairing it with a silver cowl neck top that showed off the barest hint of cleavage. I threw on a fitted blazer over it and left my hair loose. At five minutes to seven, I was hopping on one foot and zipping my suede boots on when the doorbell rang.

I rushed to the door, but then paused, taking in a few deep breaths to calm myself before I pulled it open.

"Hey," was all I could say as I took him in, all messy hair and long, lean body encased in jeans and a well-fitted shirt. His jacket lay over one arm, while the other reached out to draw me closer.

"Hey, you," he replied, placing a lingering kiss on my cheek. "You look lovely, Bella." He pulled back to give me a soft smile that I couldn't help but return.

"Thank you. You look great, too."

His hand ghosted along the curve of my waist before trailing down my arm until our palms were pressed together. "Ready to go?"

"Yes."

I'd only known of one decent restaurant in Forks—Dad's favorite, _The Lodge_. But I realized that my knowledge of the town was fairly outdated when Edward pulled into the parking lot of an unfamiliar establishment less than twenty minutes away from my house.

He'd reserved us a table, so we were seated fairly quickly. Once our orders were placed, I decided to use the opportunity to get to know him better.

"You have me at a disadvantage here," I echoed his words, and the smirk he gave me told me he remembered them. "Just my name was enough to tell you a lot about my life, but I'm still clueless about yours."

"That's because you—" he reached out to tap my nose, "—are interesting. I lead a fairly normal life."

"Tell me anyway," I insisted.

And so he did. He told me about his place in Seattle, not too far from where Alice and Jasper lived. He talked about his responsibilities at the office where he headed the IT department. He mentioned his bosses, his co-workers, his friends, and glossed over his daily routine. He told me a bit about his parents and how their family makes it a point to get together over long weekends and holidays as much as possible.

His words held my interest as he talked, and I could easily picture the life he described—he embraced his roots instead of feeling stifled by them, he had close-knit relationships with the people around him and wouldn't think twice about being there for them in their time of need.

It was the kind of life my younger self had believed to be a trap I wouldn't be able to escape. It was a world I'd done my best to evade.

And ten years later, I found myself hanging on to his every word, longing for a day when I would be able to boast of connections and friends and people of my own.

He claimed to grow sick of his own voice by the time our main course arrived. I had to work a little to break the deep-seated habit of clamming up when the conversation shifted to my life. Edward had shared a lot of himself with me, and he deserved the same courtesy from me.

He was hesitant to ask, but I knew the question he wanted answered the most.

The draw of the life on the move that'd made me leave my father behind.

Stable and grounded as he was, I wondered if he would even be able to understand my motivation. I prayed that he wouldn't think of me as crazy.

"I'm more like my mother than I ever cared to admit," I confessed quietly. I kept my eyes on my plate as I bared my soul to him. "She left us because she wanted more from life, and Dad and I were somehow a hindrance to that. I visited her a couple of times when I was a kid. Once, she was living near a beach, and the other time, she took me to a cabin in the middle of the forest. After that, I can't tell you why, but our interactions were restricted to phone calls and emails. Maybe she found it easier to cut all ties instead of keeping me in her life for a couple of weeks a year? I don't know for sure and I guess I never will." I paused for a moment, then sighed before continuing. "Anyway, my point was that I couldn't stop thinking about those holidays and the time I spent on Mom's adventures for weeks after I'd returned to Forks. I watched and heard of her flitting from place to place, and I grew up imagining myself doing just that."

Thoughts of my dad filled my mind, and my throat grew tight, almost uncomfortably so. I squeezed my eyes shut against the onslaught of emotions. The gentle pressure of Edward's fingers entwining with mine helped me focus on the present. I raised my head, taking in the sight of our joint hands before I met his gaze. He gave me a small smile, his eyes soft, patient, and understanding.

"I completed my degree in journalism and bagged the internship right after college. My poor dad . . . he must've been devastated when I told him I'd be accepting the position, and then the show. He knew it'd take me away from him for long, but he was always supportive. We stayed in touch through calls, and I flew him over to wherever I was during the holidays as much as possible. But still . . . I wasn't here when he fell down those stairs. They couldn't even contact me for an entire day after it happened because I was in a remote village in Europe. I got here as soon as I could once I received the news, but I only had a few hours with him before . . . I'm grateful that I got a chance to speak to him one last time. I just wish I could think of it without realizing how close I came to not even having that."

"He was proud of you," Edward murmured. "It was so obvious every time he spoke of you. He was content to spend his life right here in Forks, but he lived through the stories of your adventures. Hell, I know I've been made to watch a few episodes simply because of the way you described your experience to Charlie and then the way he conveyed it to my mother, who made us all believe there was no way we could miss it. You're struggling with the realization of having been away from him for so long, but Bella, you know he never begrudged you that. The fact that you were out there, living your life on your own terms and fulfilling all your dreams made him proud."

My lips pulled up into a smile despite the tear that rolled down my cheek. I brushed it off with my free hand. "Thank you. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that."

He said nothing, but squeezed my fingers so tenderly that I wondered if somehow, he did know.

From then on, we moved on to lighter topics more suitable for a first date, chatting comfortably for the rest of the meal and on the drive back home. He walked around to open my door for me once we were in my driveway. I took the hand he offered and smiled as I stepped out of the car.

It was a slow walk to my porch, where I flicked the light on before turning to face him.

"I had a wonderful time tonight."

He reached out to lace our fingers together. "Me too, Bella. Thank you for letting me get to know you. I get the feeling that you don't do that with many people."

I snorted lightly, averting my eyes from his face. "That's probably an understatement."

He tipped my chin up until I looked at him. His fingers didn't leave my face, stroking a light path along the curve of my jaw as he whispered, "That makes it all the more special then."

He leaned in slowly, eyes intent on my face until I closed mine. I brought my hand up to his cheek before rising to my toes to close the remaining distance between us.

His fingers knotted in my hair, holding me firmly yet gently, my chest fluttering wildly at the first brush of his mouth against my own. We took our time at first, moving slowly, exploring and learning each other. His thumb traced warm circles over my cheeks while he kissed me. My senses were on high alert and yet I was lost in him, drifting, soaring as his lips locked more insistently over mine. Stars danced behind my closed lids and I whimpered, almost dizzy with the rush of sensation when his tongue nudged my mouth open.

Desire burned hot in my belly, but before it could grow into an inferno, it was Edward who slowed us down. He pulled back slowly, leaving a sweet peck on the corner of my mouth, while his thumb continued its maddening caress along the apple of my cheek.

My lips curved into a smile before I opened my eyes. I'd only had a glass of wine with our meal, yet every part of my body buzzed and burned until I felt as though I were intoxicated.

And maybe I was . . . drunk on desire, hope, and possibilities . . . drunk on _him_.

We didn't see each other for the next couple of days, but kept in touch through text messages. The smile that stretched over my face every time I saw his name on the screen was wide enough to hurt my cheeks, and still seemed inadequate to portray the excitement and joy that sparked deep inside me.

I cast my mind back and realized that the only time I'd ever felt such unbridled happiness was when I'd first secured the internship that would take me overseas. Back then, it'd seemed like the stepping stone to the life I'd always wanted. The fact that Edward made me feel the same way, even though I'd only known him for a few days, thrilled me just as much as it scared me. But I'd never been one to back out of an adventure, and despite everything else, that little facet of my personality hadn't changed.

I was determined to put my habit of overthinking aside and see this . . . relationship through to wherever it took us.

With all the good vibes around me, there also loomed a cloud that threatened my buoyant mood. I'd made a lot of progress with all the tasks I needed to carry out here in Forks . . . except one.

The last time, the _only_ time I'd visited Dad's grave was the day after his funeral, just hours before I left the town. I knew I couldn't put off the visit forever, but it was fear that held me back . . . fear of going backward on the strides I'd made to build a new life.

The guilt of not being there for my father was something I'd have to live with for a long time, if not forever. But I had to learn to not let it rule my decisions.

Running away was not an option anymore.

When I finally decided to bite the bullet, the only person I informed about my decision was Edward. He tried to call as soon as he read my message, but I didn't answer. I was too keyed up to be able to form any coherent words, let alone express the tumult of emotions welling up inside me.

He understood, though . . . he always did. I was standing right outside the ornate, rusty gates of the cemetery when my phone chimed with his message. My hands trembled as I unlocked the screen.

 _Good luck, sweetheart. You can do this. Go see your dad, and call me if you need me. -E_

I smiled through my tears before pulling in a deep breath.

I was going to see my dad.

My feet trudged on autopilot, taking the right turns along a path I could never forget, until I stood before a familiar headstone. I kneeled next to it, brushing my fingers along the indents of his name.

 _Charles Alexander Swan_

"Daddy," I whispered through a thick throat. "I'm sorry I've been gone so long."

I closed my eyes and sat there silently for a long time, tracing his name over and over, memorizing the flow of the script.

"I've missed you, Daddy," I said eventually. "I miss you every day. I love you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that enough."

I held myself together well, surprising even myself. A few tears rolled down my cheeks, but other than that, I wore a smile as I began to talk more freely. I shared how I'd been feeling since he was gone, I told him about my decision to leave the show and then moved on to describe everything I'd done since coming to Forks. My thoughts inevitably drifted to the Cullens and their generosity.

"They seem like such wonderful people, Dad. I'm so glad you had them and that they were there for you when I wasn't. I left you . . . just like Mom left us." My voice broke, so I cleared my throat, struggling to channel my mind down a safer path.

"I've met someone. You already knew him, didn't you? Edward is . . . He seems . . . He's been there for me, Dad. I—I wonder if you sent him stumbling into me that day at the airport. Did you know how much I'd end up needing him? And it's not just that. I couldn't be more grateful for his support, but . . . but there's something else, too. I can't explain it. I can only sense it. He makes me feel . . . he makes me feel like I won't have to be alone anymore, Dad. He makes me breathe easier and just . . . just live."

I shifted slightly and groaned at the ache in my legs that signaled I'd been here a long while. Sighing, I slowly raised myself to my feet. My joints clicked, making me wince. I rested my hand against the headstone again.

"I promise I won't be gone for so long again. Keep sending me strength, Daddy. I'm trying to find myself again. I know it isn't going to be easy, but I won't give up. I love you. I'll always miss you," I whispered.

I leaned in to press my lips to the cool stone before I forced myself to turn away. Wiping my damp cheeks, I retraced my steps back toward the gates.

I was almost to the exit when the first splatter of raindrops fell on my head and caught me by surprise. I looked up, squinting into the dark grey clouds. Distracted as I was, I took a step forward and felt my foot land on uneven ground. I lost my balance in a flash. A yelp left my mouth seconds before I found myself plopped down on the cold grass.

Thunder rumbled across the sky while I made no move to stand. A sharp sound left my throat—neither a laugh nor a sob, but a strange combination of the two. My body trembled, yet I couldn't quite figure out how to get back on my feet. My thoughts felt detached, disjointed, while the raindrops pelted, loud and relentless around me.

I pulled my knees to my chest and laid my head against my knees as my breaths morphed into uneven gasps. The enormity of every emotion I'd suppressed in the past six months crept up on me so suddenly that I was helpless against its assault. The tears trailing down my cheeks mingled with the rain until I could no longer tell them apart. I tried to make sense of my feelings as I shattered to pieces, but it was a pointless effort. I had no idea exactly why I was crying.

I felt happy and sad and relieved and desperate and anxious.

I was a mess . . . not too different from the house I was trying to fix.

And . . . I was alone.

 _Until I wasn't._

The breeze around me carried the hint of his scent seconds before his arms wrapped around me. A shuddering sigh escaped me when he lifted my body off the ground. I buried my face in his neck, feeling the warmth of his skin even though it was just as drenched as my own.

"Are you okay, Bella?" he asked me gruffly.

"Yeah," I told him, and despite the way I'd just behaved, it wasn't a lie.

We made our way back to my house in silence. Once there, I showed him the guest bedroom and laid out Dad's clothes that he could use. I grabbed a hot shower in my own bathroom, leaving the other one free for him. I stood under the warm spray with my eyes closed and welcomed the clarity that seemed to be seeping into my pores. My outburst had probably scared the hell out of Edward, but its aftermath left me awash in something I couldn't quite pinpoint.

Acceptance was the closest I could come to describing it.

Maybe that was good enough for now.

Draped in my favorite pair of sweats and a fuzzy sweater, I padded over to the living room a little while later. I stopped short when I found him already settled over there, fiddling with the TV.

"We don't have a cable connection anymore."

He whirled around at the sound of my voice, obviously startled. He recovered quickly, though, and gave me a small smile. "I figured, but . . ." he trailed off before pointing toward my laptop. "Do you have the cord to connect that to the TV?"

"Yeah, I think so."

His smile widened as he made his way over to me. He reached out to pinch a lock of my wet hair between his fingers. The back of his hand stroked my flushed cheek as he tucked the strands behind my ear.

"Netflix and chill?" he suggested quietly, and it was an offer I couldn't refuse.

I grabbed the blanket from my room before we settled down on the couch. He threw his arm around my shoulders. I didn't hesitate to snuggle into his chest, while his lips brushed the top of my head.

We decided upon a sitcom I'd downloaded but hadn't yet watched. Edward wasn't familiar with it either, so we watched intently for a while, laughing and scoffing as and when appropriate. The first episode was pretty good, so once it ended, we moved on to the next one.

Thirty minutes later, the remote sat between us, untouched. The screen was paused at the end credits, the silence between us crackling with an undercurrent of tension. I fiddled with an errant thread of my sweater, knowing that we'd avoided reality long enough.

It was Edward who made the first move.

"I wasn't stalking you. I just . . . well, when you told me where you were going, and then you wouldn't answer your phone, I figured . . . I wasn't sure but I thought there was a possibility you might need a shoulder to lean on. I swear I didn't eavesdrop. I was just sitting in my car, and I wouldn't even have made my presence known had you walked out of those gates unharmed," he tried to assure me. "I didn't want to invade your privacy, Bella, but I was worried about you. I was relieved when I saw you coming back, but then suddenly, you disappeared. I waited for a few minutes. You didn't come out and then I just couldn't hold myself back. When I saw you on the ground . . ."

"I understand. I wanted to do it alone, but . . ." I sighed and squeezed his hand. "I'm glad you were there, Edward. I'm not angry."

He nodded and blew out a relieved breath. "Okay. Okay, that's good."

"I think I was just struggling to deal with the fact that . . . well, that I'd done to my father exactly what my mother did to us both."

"No, Bella," he countered, holding my gaze steadily. "That's not true. You didn't abandon your dad. You talked to him all the time. You made sure to see him as often as physically possible, even if it wasn't here. You didn't abandon him. Don't you ever think of yourself like that."

I tapped my temple. "I know that here. It'll take some time until I can accept it here," I replied, placing my palm against my heart. "I'll be able to accept it someday. I'm just not there yet, so I have my moments. I'm alright now, I promise. I don't know what happened back there. But whatever it was, I—I feel better now that I've let it out. I've been telling myself this for a long time, but today, I am finally starting to accept the fact that I'm going to be okay. I had a good visit with Dad. I talked to him about everything and felt . . . I know it's silly, but I really felt as though he were listening. It was a good day, Edward," I assured him, smiling when his eyes softened.

"I don't think it's silly. Not at all." He leaned in to press a kiss to my forehead. I threaded my hand through his hair and pulled his lips down to mine. His palms encircled the small of my waist, holding me tightly while we kissed. I pushed the blanket off and shifted until I could throw one of my legs across his lap.

He pulled away from my mouth, chest heaving breathlessly, but I didn't let him go far. My nose skimmed the angle of his jaw, and I trailed my lips over the coarse texture of his scruff. He groaned deep in his throat when I let my tongue taste his skin before recapturing his lips with mine.

"Bella, Bella," he spoke against my mouth, the husky sound reverberating through his chest. I pressed myself closer to him, but he extricated his mouth from mine. "We have to stop."

"Why?" I whispered, knotting my fingers in his hair. "I just want to feel you."

He squeezed his eyes shut. "I can't, sweetheart."

I backed away from him as my brow furrowed into a frown. "Why, Edward?" I asked again, firmer this time. "Tell me why. I'm not doing this on a whim. I'm not emotional. Look at me." I waited, staring at him until his eyes met mine. "Just you and me, Edward. This isn't about anything else. Just you and me."

"Bella . . ."

"Tell me why."

"Because . . ." He touched his forehead to my temple before pressing his lips to my cheek. My eyes fell shut when he sighed, his breath leaving the softest caress on my skin. "Because if we go any further, if we take that next step, I'm afraid . . . I'm afraid I won't be able to let you go."

The words wrapped in his gruff whisper made me gasp. His arms tightened around my waist, pulling me closer as though he suspected I was about to walk away from him right then.

"If I let myself be with you in every way that I want to be, if I feel your warm skin against mine, if I make love to you . . . I'll want to love you forever. I won't be able to let you go."

I swallowed thickly before finding my voice.

"Then don't," I eked out, pulling back slightly to peer at him through the tears brimming in my eyes. "Don't let me go."

His forehead creased while he stared at me in confusion.

"I'm not going back to that life. I quit the show a few weeks before coming here. All my life, I'd craved something _more_ than this town, and I found it in spades. I've lived my dreams. Losing Dad made me realize that I was truly alone in this world, and I don't want to be . . . not anymore. I want people in my corner—people who know me and love me. I want a home again. I want a life where every day is an adventure simply because I can share it with someone."

He released a slow, uneven breath, his eyes searching mine. His hand reached out to frame my cheek within its gentle grasp.

"Are you sure? This is what you want? Do you really want to stay?"

I nodded and felt the tears spill down my face. "I _am_ sure. But this is . . . this is all I'm certain about. I mean, I don't know what I'll do from here on. Maybe I could continue to write or create a blog? I don't know if it's something people would like. I don't know where I'm going to stay or how I'm going to go about rebuilding my life. I don't know if I'm ever going to stop feeling guilty about what I left behind to chase my dreams. But I do know this—I want to _stay_ , Edward. I don't want to leave. I want to come back home, no matter where that may be."

He gave me no time to admire the blinding smile that broke out over his face because as soon as the words had left my mouth, his lips were pressed firmly against mine. His hands threaded in my hair, while mine scrambled to find purchase over his shoulders. He kissed me until I was dizzy—breathless and awed and excited and completely giddy.

"We can figure it out . . . _together_ ," he promised fervently. "We've got plenty of time, sweetheart. I have no doubt that whatever you choose to do, I know you'll do it wonderfully. I'd be honored if you'd let me be by your side as you find your way."

I drew him closer, trying to curb my grin so that I could put my lips to better use. "I can't think of anything I'd like more."

His mouth molded over mine as I crushed myself to his chest. He pulled me onto his lap so that we could continue where we'd left off.

And this time, he didn't stop.

~ / ~ / ~

Three years later, I found myself, once again, at the conveyor belt after taking the short flight from Seattle to Port Angeles. I craned my neck and shuffled my feet, eager to get out of the airport.

An airline employee let us know that the process of unloading was underway, so our bags might take a few more minutes to show up. A fellow passenger grumbled next to me. When she met my eyes, I gave her a grin, rolling my eyes in good humor. She smiled back wearily and shrugged.

A familiar pair of arms wrapped around my waist. I sighed and leaned back into his strong chest. His hands waved a cup of coffee before my eyes, the rich aroma making me moan in delight.

"Thank you."

I could feel the upturn of his lips as he replied with a soft, lingering kiss to my cheek.

It was several minutes before the conveyor belt hummed to life. The people around us shifted restlessly, rushing forward in their impatience. Some of them groaned in frustration when their luggage didn't appear in the first batch. I, on the other hand, was content to wait where we were standing. Ensconced in Edward's arms, I sipped my coffee and kept my eyes on the belt, moving closer only when our bags were in sight.

"You go on ahead," Edward told me once we'd loaded most of our luggage. "I'll get the last one."

I nodded and pushed one of our trolleys toward the exit, leaving the other one for him. A balmy, humid breeze swirled around me, filling my lungs as soon as I stepped out of the glass doors. The feeling was now fairly familiar yet just as comforting as it had been three years ago when I'd made my way back home, weighed down by guilt, grief, and loneliness.

Today, I found myself buzzing with excitement as I scanned the crowd standing behind the railing, knowing exactly what awaited me.

We'd spoken to Esme yesterday, who'd informed us that Emmett had already arrived with his new girlfriend, Rosalie, whom I was looking forward to meeting. Alice, along with Jasper and Daniel had also reached Forks late last night, after attending a requisite party at Jasper's workplace. His promotion had given them an extra reason to celebrate this holiday season, and while Edward and I knew about it, the rest of the family would be receiving the pleasant surprise once we were all together.

I walked further ahead, and my face broke into a grin when I spotted a few familiar people in the crowd. Emmett and Alice were there to pick us up, with an exuberant Daniel bouncing at their side. They hadn't noticed me yet, engrossed as they were in an animated discussion of their own. I suppressed a giggle when Alice crossed her arms over her chest and glared at her brother. Daniel wasted no time in mimicking his mother's posture. Emmett laughed, dropping his head in surrender as the duo ganged up on him.

Edward's hand entwining with mine pulled my attention away from them. His thumb stroked my finger, circling the ring that rested there—a habit he'd picked up since he'd placed it on me three days ago.

I bit my lip, stifling a shy smile, while Edward smirked and planted a quick kiss on my lips.

We had news to share with the family, too.

"Alice is going to go berserk when she sees it," he murmured to me, just as his siblings finally noticed our presence. We waved at them and started to head in their direction. "Probably my mom, too."

"I know," I replied with a wink. "I can't wait."

It was true. His family had a tendency to go overboard with things, but I'd never minded it. In fact, I cherished those moments suffused with an abundance of love. Every hug, every squeal, every laugh reminded me that I was no longer alone . . . and the ring on my finger signified his promise that I never would be.

Edward laughed and drew me closer. "Let's go home, sweetheart."

I smiled, tucking myself under his arm.

"Let's go home."


End file.
